WE FOUND A NEW PLACE TO LIVE!!! Everything in it is BRAND NEW! It's a 2 bedroom townhouse with a basement. It freaking kicks so much ass I can't shit. "But Laura, why are you so out of control excited?" you may be asking. Well, allow me tell you.
It's sad because when we first found our current residence, I was so excited!! The location is perfect! We are on the main floor, 3 bedrooms, nice big front porch and a nice big backyard! Yay! Lord Poohead told us when we signed the lease that we can go ahead and move in early since the place was vacant, and also so that we could save money on mover's rates (since it would not be at the first of the month). So, the last week of January comes and we phone her to tell her we plan on moving in that week. "Ohhh, well, I'll have to come up with a dollar amount for that extra week rental." So let me get this straight, the money we where to save on the movers was so that she could get it. This would prove to be the beginning of very long line of bullshit occurances including a duct cleaning that resulted in 1/4 inch coating of 80 year old dust blanketing everything I own 2 weeks before I gave birth.
Let me elaborate for a bit on the character of this woman. She is a rich arrogant cheapskate who suffers from Echolalia (a disorder that causes a person to mouth simultaniously what the other person is saying and/or try to finish their sentences). To worsen things, she talks to anyone who rents like a small mentally challenged child. Because we all know that if you do not own your own home on lake front property, you are white trash and you don't reed an rite so gud.
My theory is that she bought this house after ordering Mr. Fink's Get Rich Quick Property Program after staying up too late. So, in Mr. Finks program, he tells his aspiring millionaires that by becoming a slumlord, you can earn thousands in extra income MONTHLY! *eyebrow raise - wink* How do you do it Mr. Fink??!! How could I make thousands of dollars a month by buying another house?! Well, to start, don't buy anything new. All appliances should be plucked from the trash. That way you don't have any expensive overhead outside the basic mortgage and property tax. Second, find a man in your circle of friends to be your own "Handyman", and when he doesn't want to do it, get your idiot husband to tinker around with shit until it's in peices. Also, when professional jobs you figure just HAVE to be done (like duct cleaning), hire Larry, Curly and Moe off the street.
Hope that paints a stupid enough picture.
When we first moved in, we had AWESOME neighbors. They where from Vancouver. The guy was originally from England and had this great accent. He and Gary would go out to Buddy's Pub a.k.a "Moe's" and 'ave a pint. They were great. Super nice, super cool. Then they bought a house and our dear sweet neighbors moved. That is when The Swiss Family Stupid moved in. I feel sorry for the mother because she is a nice lady that has to deal with everything. I really could dealve deeper...but if I did, and the father managed to locate this blog, we would have knives shoved up our asses like he threatened someone else and served 40 days in jail for just this summer. Ya got me? Anyway, living below these people has proven to be too much for me. I can deal with waking up to my 6 month old baby crying. What I CANNOT deal with is waking up to an 11 year old girl shrieking and screaming at the TOP OF HER LUNGS because her shoe lace is in a knot, her hair is too tangly or her sweater isn't where she left it.
You get the idea.
Anyway, our move is scheduled for Nov. 15th. I am as happy as cow being milked about this.
Rather, more like, happier than a Lion eating a Zebra.
