Protection Services

As demonstrated in an earlier post, my husband doesn't care much to speak to telemarketers.  The only thing he hates worse than telemarketers, are collection agents.

Now, due to a long series of complicated and completely flaberghasting events, my student loan wound up in the hands of a collection agency.  I tried very hard to be as cooperative and civil as I could given that my ending up in collections was not *entirely* my fault.  My only fault was believing and trusting that the folks at National Student Loan knew what they were talking about. I am digressing out of a built in defensiveness I have in regard to this whole mess.

After having serveral emotionally charged conversations with several agents over several years and after several payments, we have managed to get this debt cleared up.  However, just a week before we planned on paying this off, the following exchange occured between said collection agency's eager-to-get-a-payment-bonus agent and my husband.

Agent:  "Hi is Laura there?"

Gary: "Who's this?"

A: It's Jay

NOTE: notice his "calling as a friend" tactic.

G: Oh, Jay!  Where are you calling from Jay?

A: Edmonton.

G: Ah, Jay from Edmonton.  Well, Jay from Edmonton - why are you calling my wife?

A: It's a personal matter.

G: Well Jay from Edmonton, I'm Laura's husband, and any personal matter of hers, is a personal matter of mine.  So how can I assist you Jay?

A: I'm not allowed to discuss this with you. 

G:  Ah, well Jay from Edmonton - I suppose you aren't her friend am I correct?

A: I am calling from *bleep* Financial and your wife's account is outstanding and we require payment.

G:  Well Jay from Edmonton, why didn't you just say so in the first place! I can help you out with that!  We are planning to pay it in full.  Just like my wife told you 2 days ago.

A: I need a date commitment on that.

G: I'm sure you do, but I'm not giving one to you - So this concludes this conversation.

Gary hangs up the phone.

Beleive it or not - the agent calls back.

G: Hello?

A: Uh, I don't beleive I was rude to you sir.  You hung up. Now if I can just get that commitment date for payment?

G: Wow.  I really have to commend your boss!

A:  Uh, commend my boss?  Why?

G: For hiring the mentally defficient!

Gary hangs up the phone laughing his ass.

The thought of Jay from Edmonton's stunned face from being so blind-sidedly and badly burned had Gary and I laughing uncontrollably for a few hours.  It was even more fun playing out the conversation should Jay from Edmonton be so retarded to call again.

Here's what we came up with:

A:  Hi, It's Jay from *bleep* Financial, I don't appreciate you hanging up on me like that. I require that date for payment.

G:  Oh Jay from Edmonton, I'm so sorry.  I was WAY out of line there.  I feel just awful about all this.  When I said I should commend you're bosses for hiring the mentally defficient, I was really not giving the mentally defficient enough credit.  I was wrong for suggesting the mentally defficient were at the same mental capacity as you.  They are certainly far more intelligent and qualified.

I am relieved that the debt is paid off and I'll never have to talk to any one of those fucktards again.  But at the same time - they did come as a source of fun.

Comments

[Daxohol]

HEY! CHANGE THIS! I didn't say that last part even close to what you wrote. It makes me sound dumber than I already am.

Luv,
Husband