Daxohol

Jon & Kate Minus One Less Viewer.

Now that Micheal Jackson is dead and is totally dominating the E-News world, I'll finally blog about Jon & Kate.  Cuz you know, everyone has an opinion, and dammit, why should I shut mine up now?

I used to like this show.  It made me feel good on a rough day. You know, in that mystical, parental "feel guilty because I struggle with one kid, let alone eight" sort of way.  I tended to ignore Kate's off-putting occassional meanie attitude, but I always felt it wasn't fair to criticize her, as I am not in her shoes.  I can't say that my house would be even a fraction as clean as hers, and I totally know that my patience? Hahaha, well, let's just say I'd be putting on my Fidel style hat a bit more and adding a lil' "Drill Sargeant" into my swagger fo' sho.

I like to speculate occassionally (there alot of that going on in this post).  I'm someone who is familiar with the entertainment business and I have a pretty good idea about how much pressure a network can put on someone.  They'll romance you, "advise" you, flat out threaten you.  I still wonder though, why Kate can't be forthright in what truly motivates her to allow the show to continue for as long as it has.  I don't buy all the "for the kids" crap.  It's about money, and I think she should not set the status of the female gender back so far as to try and be noble about something that is so thin you can puncture it with cooked spaghetti.  If it takes balls to do that sort of show, it takes balls to be honest about why your doing it.  Balls out honey.  Balls.  Out. 

I have a full time job. "A career".  She is always talking about her "new career".  My career takes me away from my home each day, but at the END of the day, I'm home.  I gave up an opportunity for success in entertainment because it would mean being away from my boy - on top of my already busy life as a working mother.  I could have chased the extra money and fame and claimed "it's for my kid!" with angelic intentions of opening an RESP and setting him up for his future.  But at the end of it all - it's time that is priceless.  It's time you cannot get back and time that can cause the most damage, or mend the deepest hurts.  It breaks my heart enough saying "see you at dinner" every morning. That's just the tip of the iceberg of guilt I carry with with my ONE boy.  I couldn't fathom the option of career that included trips and tours for a month or more at a time and leaving eight of my babies behind.  Sure, if I had eight I'd want to take off for a month too - but for shit sakes DON'T WE ALL?! 

Kate's kids don't know what life is like without a camera and production crew who comes around.  How will that play out when those people and routines go away? 

Anyway, after seeing the birthday party episode which contained a few sad ("Daddy don't leave again") and creepy (paprazzi stalkers across the pond) moments, I decided I wasn't going to take time out of my day to devote to watching this train wreck anymore.  In the end, for me, it's about kids.  My wish is for them to grow up healthy contributors to this world.  However, to get there, one less pair of starring eyes into their private lives will at the very least make *me* feel better about it.

I've included these funny clips.

JON'S DATING AD
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/6670edb858/match-com-jon-gosselin

KATE'S DATING AD
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/3a16fffc3d/kate-gosselin-match-com-profile-video

Giant Gorgeous Slob

No, it's not me for once.  In our backyard we have a Catalpa Tree.  It boasts HUGE heart-shaped leaves (great for shade) and in spring/early summer, Catalpa's bloom like crazy!  The flowers are white and have these adorable little purple lines in the center.

The tree was in full bloom two weeks ago and it was GORGEOUS!  I was looking up at it and I said to Gary "WOW! I should really take a picture of that!" But, I was on my way out the door, and then...WARNING! EXCUSES AHEAD! ...because I work all day, come home and tend to my home and boy...I forgot to take that picture, and now, all the blooms are dried up and gone.  I'm sad that I didn't get the photo because it was such a beautiful sight.  Especially since the amount of clean up with these trees is so extensive, I wanted the image as a reward for all the raking and sweeping! 

But wait! There's MORE in store for us to marvel, then clean up!  In the fall, these trees sprout giant seed pods that look like snow peas on steroids.  I only know this because when we first moved in here in the early spring, Daxon and I cleaned up the backyard and picked up all these dried pods.  Then of course there's those giant leaves that have to fall off!

This could very well be the most beautiful SLOB I've ever known.

I found these pictures online of the tree and it's blooms and leaves. Ours is quite huge.

Holy Crap it's Summer of 2009!

Time to post huh?!?! So much has happened. Here's a brief summary of things.

• We've moved. We are renting a house that is nice and spacious.  It's an old house with lots of character and charm.
• I GOT MY DRIVER'S LICENSE - and I also have my own vehicle thanks to my totally amazing and inspiring grandmother (who I call 'Nannie').  After she broke her leg she decided she was not going to continue driving at the age of 88!  She gave me her car.  Which, to be totally honest - was a HUGE shock/surprise and I've only had it for nearly a month now and I still sort of feel like it's a dream...the impact it's made on life is beyond describable! Sure cars come with new worries, but I tell you, after spending so many years planning my life around the mercy of other people's acts of kindness and the tyranny of public transit, I'll happy to exchange the old set grievances to another set which reaps so much more independence and freedom! 
• My job! Holy cow my job!  I started this job exactly a year ago this week.  It was a 9 month pilot contract that got extended, and now, we have achieved a 21 month continuation!!! The other piece of good news is that for this round of contract, we are 90% on our way to having 2 weeks vacation time!  Let me tell you, after working for nearly 3 years without any time off - I'm tired - and I miss my sister. I'm not an envy filled or jealous person, but I'm REALLY getting tired of working so hard, and not being able to swap vacation stories.  I'd like to also add that I'm not ungrateful.  I acknowledge that I am extraordinarily lucky for having a job when so many others don't or can't work.  I truly value my work and the nature of the very high needs work I do.  I am humble, but everyone deserves a break here and there.  I just really think it's time I have my kit-kat. 
• During this past year I have gained so much experience. I've learned so much. I cannot tell what this work has taught me, and continues to teach me.  I have evolved into a line of work I never thought I'd be in.  I started working with Seniors, then with woman-led families who are dealing with many complex issues (child protection service involvement, custody and fleeing violence), and now I am working primarily with women who are currently incarcerated or who have recently been released from a correctional facility.  Heavy huh? Now you see why I need a vacation after 3 years?!
• MY SON!!!! My pride and joy, Daxon.  He finished his Junior Kindergarten year with his progress reports glowing! He'll be heading into Senior Kindergarten this fall.   He is so smart and he is a good friend to his lil' buddies.  He chooses his closest friends wisely (thank god!).  Sure enough, he's grown up to express keen, solid interest in music and science.  This has been consistent since he was a baby.  Always listening very closely to sounds, singing, playing/making instruments.  It's his own priority to know what bands/musicians play which songs, and which instruments.  It's amazing!  On the techie front, he has always taken things apart and loves getting help peicing together again!  He loves to learn how everything works; parts, processes, cycles and patterns.  He LOVES picture encyclopedias - books on the human body, insects/animals, nature/earth, space...the child is a full blown geek and I LOVE IT!  He also loves to draw and practice his printing.  He is a very spiritual soul and is keen to learn and explore his Anishnabe heritage, culture and language.  I am beyond proud and blessed.  Then of course, there is the darker side of the boy - *sinister laugh* He's got a temper and he's not afraid to use it.  He's got a stubborn streak that is off the charts.  He is a free spirit so these traits are no suprise to me, but handling them on a daily basis is a real challenge - but I'm learning.  I've just started reading a great book right now that is hopefully going to give Gary and I some new insight onto our parenting style and framework.  More on that later...

So that's the latest for now.  I have lofty ideas of a writing plan - I'm taking myself seriously on that, but I don't expect any of you in the abyss out there to...

More coming!

Output

Well it's one thing for me to stop performing for a while but the problem now is...I have no outlet. I'm a creative being. I need to be creative in some way.

I took a break because my performing life was getting too demanding of my time and energy. It was too hard for me to maintain balance while operating this musical glitter monster, and still be a good mother, a good wife, and good friend. I was not coping well with the rushing, transportation issues, schedules, will I have a babysitter? business, promo, deadlines, rehearsals, appearances, meetings, and the overall lack of compensation for all said frustrations. I was tired of having to worry about every last detail for every gig, every week only to be handed 50 to a 100 dollars.

I had no time for even the very creative process that started the whole damn thing. Nothing was being created anymore. I found myself feeling violated. Suffocated. I was drained. I needed time for my family, my friends, for me. To just do nothing for a while.

Well, I'm all done doing nothing. But I don't want all that madness again. The freaky part is, it's waiting for me...in a month I could be that busy again if I call it on...that scares me a little. It's like, there's this accomplishment that actually stalks me...looms in the shadows...waiting for me to touch it again. I can nearly relate it to addiction.

My problem right now is that I'm in this sort "instant gratification" mode. I want it something done, and I want to get it done now. Like sex. You want it, you have it, your hopefully sassified and then you are pleased. Well...the arts aren't so much like that. Everything takes time. Time to learn, practice, study, try, fail etc. I totally believe in the joy in the journey, but seriously, I'm not not at that point at the moment.

The worst part is...that for every idea in my heart and mind thats pleading to get out into the world, there is a different medium. Peotry/songs, music, paint, photography, dance, film. Some of which are interchangable, most are translatable.

My feeling and hope is that this intense build up is going to result in the most wonderful ouput I'll experience. Goddess knows how long it will take. In the meantime maybe I should go back to my roots and do some improv.

Time & Salsa Pepper Spray

I delt with a lot of coordination/scheduling/logistical stuff Monday on all fronts: work, Dax's school, and personal. In the end, it all got sorted out, some stuff had to give, but in the end, my sanity was paramount and I just couldn't do it all. All day I felt like I was on an episode of Beat The Clock. Some days, I am just not super mom.

The bus journey home wasn't too bad, you know, despite the rain and having no umbrella. However inside, I was frazzled. I was done for the day - but I wasn't done. I still had to cook dinner, honour a promise made to Dax on Saturday about starting to decorate the tree and then get him into bed.

So what's this about Salsa Pepper Spray?
I loaded the dish washer while dinner was cooking...there was a small bowl of salsa Gary had made for his night snack. He made the salsa himself...I can only assume he made it with a a few Naga Jolokia peppers. When I rinsed that bowl out...the hot water became a carrier agent and thus a Pepper spray was born. It burned by what little of my lungs I have left from this cough that only started to ease up. It was so powerful, even poor Daxon sitting in the next room began to cough. We coughed for an hour and a half.

I know Gary didn't intend on attacking his family with Pepper Spray, but Stephen Colbert has taught me alot and so now Gary's Homemade Salsa is now "ON NOTICE" and is being listed as "THE NUMBER ONE THREAT TO PEACE IN OUR HOME".

Decorating the tree with Dax really was a gift that made everything else not so bad...it was so special. I relished his maturity as we talked about the ornaments from when I was young. I got some really sweet pictures too. As always, the love of my life warms my day...

...warms my day...not burns...Gary...