I really tried to be a good Mumma. I really freakin' did. I tried to make my darling son a melon dessert made from water melon, honeydew melon and cantelope. I even sat there are PICKED OUT EVERY SEED from the watermelon. I go put it in the blender, and I use the supposedly "handy stir sticky thing" to move the chunks around to be properly hacked into a pulp. This thing is supposed to have a safety feature which doesn't allow the "handy stir sticky thing" to get caught in the blade. Right? No. Your effin' wrong. If it did have that safety feature, then it sucks so hard, that if it had eyes, they would be popping out, and if it had lips, they would be bruised.
So, now there are chunks of plastic lingering in the melon dessert. Do I give up? No. Not me. Not this Mumma. I salvaged whatever large chunks that did not have any plastic lodged in them and put them back in the blender. I opted a higher setting on the blender in order to maim the melon so badly it would not need any coaxing to enter the blade's grasp. About two minutes past. Do you think that after two minutes, something as wimpy as melon on a High/Puree setting would be pretty much dead right? No. Your effin' wrong again. I came to the conclusion that my blender is a wussy-ass bitch. Oh believe you me, I didn't stop there. I just drained whatever juice I manage to get from the whole fiasco and served it in a sippy cup. What you need to know about Daxon now, is that he doesn't drink anything besides his formula. He'll have a couple sips of water and humor apple juice for a whole two sips. I thought, after all this. He'll just end up not wanting it at all. Right? No. I was effin' wrong. He loved it. He drank and drank it up, but not without wearing at least half of it. So a few minutes later, as I was trying to clean up the mess I had made in the kitchen, I forgot that Dax was sitting in his Excer-saucer soaked in Melon Juice. He reminded me though...he sort of whined and brayed and shrivelled up his face all weird. I laughed and explained that it is a new Baby Spa Treatment called "Mumma's Magical Melon Mask". I said that the Children's Aid Society wouldn't do anything anyway because bad mothers don't attempt to make yummy melon desserts for their babies. They're to busy smoking crack and yelling at trees to try in vain to give yummy melon to their poor little babies. I think he accepted that.
Comments