Daxohol

Genuinely Hammered!

I'm getting drunk as we speak at the Genuine Party...MYAAAHAHAA!

#6!

#6 On Google for Krak Hores!

Thanks everyone!

Muggsy The Inconvenient Money Vaccum

Have I adequately explained Muggsy The Inconvenient Money Vaccum?

No?

Let me tell you about my loving cat who was never sick a day in his life until we moved into the Domicile From Hell. 

Then, two weeks before our wedding (the second one - I'll explain later I promise.) Muggsy decided to start puking and shitting all over the place.  Of course, we are crying because our cat is sick and we spent our last pennies on bows and frills and had next to nothing left.  Fortunately, it was only a $150.  For the examination and some pills.  Then it came back 2 weeks later.  We took him to a different vet, and they offered a slightly cheaper combo of examination, pills and "Happy Lucky Special $50 And Your First Born Child Sensitive Kitty Tummy Wow" food.  Then, it came back again, a couple weeks before our move.  You know, when we had to come up with over $2000 dollars by the end of the month.  Fortunately, it went away on it's own after a day or so.  We had to give him his old food because we ran out of the "Happy Special $50 And Your First Born Child Sensitive Kitty Tummy" food .  He's been fine since. 

Until now. 

Here we are.  $400 in car insurance due next week, and Christmas two weeks away. The cat is suffering from slightly less solid poos than I would like.  Yes, I have a Cat Shit Standard.  The standard is one that mandates that any feline who lives in my house, have a compact solid poo that does not resemble peanut butter.  All felines must also MAKE ALL DEPOSITS IN A LITTER BOX.  Fortunately, so far so good with deposit locale. 

Effin' Cat.  He's doing it on purpose right?  Everytime.  Exactly two weeks before a major event that involves money.  Always when we are at the brokest. 

So.  Anyone else have a cat that did/does this?  My mom said Wild Strawberry Extract helps cats with the shits.  We are also going to put him back on the "Happy Special $50 And Your First Born Child Sensitive Kitty Tummy" food.

The Reaction

As I anticipated, Daxon gazed in wonder at the Christmas Tree, and in complete awe, said "ooooooohhhhhh!"  and crawled with pride toward his Christmas Tree with full intentions of shoving it in his mouth.  That is when I picked him up and told him that he can just look.  Suprisingly, he accepts that.  For now.

Anticipation

I put up the Christmas Tree tonight after Daxon went to bed.  Tommorow I will see his face when he sees the lights and the decorations.  Then I will see the blur as he crawls the fastest his little arms and legs can carry him so that he can grab the whole tree and shove it in his mouth.

RE: RE: Snowsuits and Carseats

Bcc:  Dada

Dearest Daxon,

I am not excessive Daxon.  I do what is necessary to keep you alive and healthy.  It's my job.  Snowsuits are necessary to keep you warm.  It will continue to be cold like it was today, and it will even get much, much worse everyday until May so may I suggest you get used to it.  Sir. It's my job to keep you warm.  Let me do my job.  I absolutely adore my job, but your screaming makes it very unpleasant and quite irritating.  Sir.  The car seat is necessary so that you don't die in a car accident.  In case you haven't received a carbon copy of the memo, I strap myself in too.  Yes, I inflict it upon myself too.  You cannot flail and climb around when we are in the car.  That is how you become a stupid statistic.  May I remind you, we are not stupid statistics in this family. Sir.  It is my job as Mumma to ensure that our family goals such as warmth and staying alive are met.  As a reminder, the last 3 quarters have been a tremendous success. 

I appreciate your constructive feedback.

Signed with Love,

Mumma

RE: Snowsuits and Carseats

Dear Mumma,

I understand that I have screamed at you relentlessly every single time you try to put on my snowsuit or buckle me into the carseat.  It really annoys me and cuts into my busy play schedule.  I can't tell you how much of an inconvenience the snowsuit is.  I rather enjoy the outings, but the snowsuit really makes me angry.  You can be quite unreasonable you know.  But today, today Mumma, though I screamed as you forced it onto me, I was thankful.  Once that wretched cold air hit my face, I finally had a slight idea of why you are so insistent on the damn snowsuit.  Only a slight idea though.  I still hate it and will continue to scream on principle.  I decided I would allow you to strap me in the carseat as a reward.  A reward for what? I'm not sure.  I suppose that if you had something to do with my being that much warmer, you perhaps deserve to strap me into the stupid seat minus my wrath.  Speaking of the seat.  Is it really necessary?  I mean, I much prefer to climb and flail around freely, you know this Mumma, yet you keep restraining me in the seat when we go out?  Why? Why do you have to be so excessive Mumma? WHY?

I shall anticipate your diligent response in a timely fashion.

Signed,

Daxon

D-d-d-daxohol

Saturday I went to a party and had the best Carribean food EVER. 

Sunday, Dax and I went to my mother's work Children's Christmas Party.  That was fun.  Dax gunned off Santa.  He got a present anyway. 

Today it f*ckin' snowed.  It stayed.  It didn't melt.  Damn shit.

Oh, someone searched for "Sh*t Cl*t" and thought I would be a good read.  Unless it was one of you guys...in that case...a big hearty thanks!

Daxohol's Day

My day today started out pretty damn lazy.  Daxon and I didn't get out of our peyammas until about one o'clock in the afternoon. 

Then Auntie Tita came over so that I could get some unpacking done.  Then there was the unpleasant "Daxon Tasting Muffin Results in Projectile Techno-color Yawn" incident.  Which was scary and resulted in me comforting poor Auntie Tita who was beside herself.  Poor Auntie Tita.  The thing you all need to know about Auntie Tita, is that she is the sweetest, most sincere person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.  I am so blessed to have her as a friend. 

Then, as I was unpacking, there was the "Muggsy Being The Most Brilliant Royal Ass-Chewer" incident.  Which was funny and cute and resulted in me laughing and stopping what I was doing to shake my head in disbelief and change my pillow case.  Muggsy (my cat), was sitting under the rocking chair beside my bed.  He then made a fancy and graceful bound through the sexy canopy and onto the bed.  He then danced up to my pillow where he elegantly lifted his left hind leg and graciously proceeded to simultaneously chew his ass and lick his pink spike.  I politely asked him to not do that on my pillow.  He stopped, slightly perturbed, and looked at me.  Then ever so noble, he began to lick his leg instead.  My cat.  Understood me.

Then we went over to our friend's place a couple doors down.  Oh yes, I have friends who live in the same townhouse complex!  I'm pretty sure I failed to mention that.  Anyway, we went over and visited so that Daxon could meet his new friend that was actually born on the same day, in the same hospital, who stayed in a room just across from us.  Around our due dates, we knew this had a remote chance of happening, but we didn't think it would have been this spooky.  She was early.  Daxon, of course, was incredibly punctual.  The boys got along wonderfully. 

I got alot done today.  It's amazing how such a seemingly uneventful day, turned out to be action packed.  Yay!

Oh, and thank you to those of you who searched for Krak Hore and boosted my place in the search engines.  I am #2 at Bell-South.Net and  #3 at Google.  Thanks guys!  I'm so proud *gleam*

Looky Here! Krak Hores!

Apparently, when people are searching the internet for "Krak Hores" my website generates some interest to the searchee.  I've been getting hits like crazy from seekers of "Krak Hores".

Wow.  Can you believe it?  I didn't think that my website had the kind of content that people in search of Krak Hores desire. Maybe I just side track them.  This is my fantasy of their inner monologue:

"Hmmm...where can I find some Krak Hores?  Hmmmm Let's see...nope nope nope nope nope. Oh?  What's this?  A blog?  Oh it's a blog of a new mother.  Awww, isn't that sweet?  Ooh! She's a bit funny!  Witty!  AHAHAHAAA!!! That is the funniest thing I've read all week!! Hmmmm...now what was I looking for again?  Oh yeah, that's right, Krak Hores.  Oh look, here we are, a post where she calls her friend Krak Hore Klit.  That's hot.  oooh yeah that's really hot.  Meh.  No pictures or anything.  Meh I'm bored.  Back to Google.  Man, isn't there anything about Krak Hores on the Internet besides some Mommy Blog?!"

Now with this entry, I'll have EVEN MORE hits!

Oh yeah, and if your here looking around for Krak Hores, I don't think you'll find what your looking for here.  Sorry. 

I'll sing a song for you instead.

"I'm sorry, we have no Krak Hores, We have no Krak Hores today!"